Open The Gate
Breaking down Sacramento Real Estate: Our Favorite People, Places and Mindsets
Open The Gate
S.2 Ep. 1- Change is Good.
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Let her rip , let her roll , let her chip . Oh my God , it's been so long it's been so long and I'm so excited for this and I honestly , in the back of my head , I'm regretting not Instagram-living this , because I feel like there is a very good chance , very good chance , that Rourke
Reuniting and Pregnancy Updates
Speaker 1is ready to be here and make his presence known to the world .
Speaker 2One of us is ready , but I'm really starting to feel like he's taking advantage of my kindness um , okay , so one of you is ready , and it's you yeah , you're ready , I'm ready . Obviously he was ready , I'm gonna fucking love the follow-up to this .
Speaker 1Like I , you're on record as saying you are ready to be a parent . Um , whoa , whoa , whoa .
Speaker 2I didn't say that I said I'm ready for for the next step , which is for him to get oh , you just don't want to be pregnant anymore . Yes , my god , and I'm scared shitless to be a present parent . I have no idea what to expect . It's that moment where it's like , okay , the baby's here . And then you're looking at this thing . You're like , holy shit , I'm now responsible . Responsible for you for the next 18 plus years and I have to keep you alive yeah , I , and again , it's for me it's it's shared experience .
Speaker 1Right , I don't want to . I don't want to coach you how to do anything but , yeah , like the experiences you can coach me no , like it's , it's , it's not . It's not like we're different . People like you and I are like we're different . People Like you and I are like we're different , which is why we get along .
Speaker 2We're not the same person .
Speaker 1No , not at all . Like I love sports and you could care less hey . I like some sports , that's true . I I sorry , I don't want to .
Speaker 2Thank you .
Speaker 1It's okay . But you know , in , I think I would say , like for a shared experience . Just be prepared to realize how much you weren't ready for , I don't know , but it's cool , but that's so much about parenting , that's such a big part about it , like the amount of growth that you personally will experience because of you know , supporting this life .
Speaker 2I will say that's the one thing . The one realization I've had recently is that I think my perception originally was as a parent we have so much to teach our kids , to prepare them for the world , and lately I've just been realizing how much I'm going to be learning from him .
Speaker 1Yeah , I'm at the stage with 15 and 12-year-old where I've actually really tried to get more hands off and let them figure things out on their own . Obviously . I mean , they're a little more mature , and one's definitely more mature than the other , but you know , like letting them fail , you know , and I started listening to this podcast . It's a really good one . It's called glue guys and it's um , it's these two , it's these two four are they huffing glue before they start talking ?
Speaker 2no , no , no , no there's nothing to .
Speaker 1It's a glue guy in the sports world , refers to someone who like who might not be the best player on the team , but like they're so instrumental in keeping the team chemistry together . So , not to go too far down the road , the podcast is fantastic . It's a performer , number one overall pick in the NFL draft , an NBA player who played at Duke and had a long , long career . And then they have this other guy who was on there and he's in the business world . So it's this really cool podcast where they talk about parenting and business and so much of that shared experience where the business guy is like , dude , you've won an NBA championship , you were the number one pick , and he can almost always relate their stuff back to these big time business experiences that he's had . So it's really cool . I've been super hooked on it . It's been the big one that .
Speaker 1I've been listening to the most lately Um , some really good , really good insight , and they bring up a lot of stuff that I'm always like , ooh , I'd love to talk about that on here . Um , so , anyways , that's uh , that's kind of that , though .
Speaker 2But , but I digress , I digress , yeah , yeah .
Speaker 1So all right , so let's get up to date . Okay , when are you at ? How are you feeling ? Just vomit the pregnancy experience . Since the last time we talked , which was was it January ?
Speaker 2It's been a couple months . It's been a couple months . Yeah , the pregnancy experience , oh God , the roller coaster . It is a roller coaster and I gave up complaining about pregnancy for lent , so I have to tread carefully here nice , because that's all I have left to offer .
Speaker 1I already gave up everything else I love for being pregnant so good little catholic girl sticking to her , sticking to her values .
Speaker 2I'm actually not religious , but my , my in-laws are , so they were all you know . Oh , lent , lent , lent . What are you giving up ? And I'm like this is all I have to offer .
Speaker 1So I'm 38 weeks and like two days . 38 weeks and two days , two days , who's counting ?
Speaker 2But who's counting ? Obviously not him .
Speaker 1And I will say I have had a very easy pregnancy comparatively .
Speaker 2So it's tough to .
Speaker 1You are not superstitious
Parenting Insights and Podcast Recommendations
Speaker 1.
Speaker 2No .
Speaker 1Oh good , I mean , I just got so much anxiety for you .
Speaker 2Oh , really . And you said that .
Speaker 1I'm like , oh man , she might be fucked . No , I'm not even worried about it .
Speaker 2I mean obviously like I have birth anxiety like crazy , crazy , like my body's about to go through some crazy shit . But um , I'm not worried about it , I don't know . I just kind of like have this divine trust that , yeah , I , the things I have lived through so far in my life and not died , I'm like this this is nothing , you know like .
Speaker 1Someone is clearly watching over me , so this is just another well , I mean like someone is clearly watching over me , so this is just another . Well , I mean a couple of billion people have done it before you . So , as heroic as it , as it is and again I say this is a guy , right , Like there's no chance I'm ever birthing a human- You're , you know , an equally important part as a support person in this process . Okay , yeah , I mean , I was . I was literally along for the ride .
Speaker 2So , um yeah , no , things are good . I'm just at that stage which all pregnant women get to , where you know we have this like giant watermelon we're carting around like waking up is hard , breathing is hard , moving is hard , doing anything else on top of that like running a business is really challenging and these aren't complaints .
Speaker 1These are just experiences .
Speaker 2Yeah , these are just experiences is really challenging and these aren't complaints .
Speaker 1These are just experiences . Yeah , these are just experiences I know for Marina like with our first , with Kaylee her birthday's in March , so we were living in Kansas City , so she went through the winter pregnant .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 1Which you know has its challenges .
Speaker 2I mean I strategically chose winter over the summer .
Speaker 1But yeah , but Lucas was born at the end of August and we still lived in Kansas City , so she went through a couple hot and humid months , you know , in the Midwest .
Speaker 2And he already makes a normal person uncomfortable and aggressive .
Speaker 1Yeah , I think the biggest thing was that body pillow was huge for Marina because she was not a side sleeper or a back sleeper so she had to really figure out how to get comfortable . But I think at the same time she was so exhausted by the end of the day Marina worked with both kids . Let's see , kaylee was . Kaylee was two weeks late , so she had to be induced and Marina worked . Rita worked right up to the I mean the day before we went into the hospital . I know everybody's asking .
Speaker 2They're like when does your maternity leave start ? I'm like I'm self-employed , who's paying me to take time off , like I'm not paying myself . So I get that . You know , it's just kind of the path that we chose .
Speaker 2There's a lot of freedom that comes with this , and there's a lot of burden and responsibility . This is just one of them . But I also am lucky enough to have a partner who is also self-employed and so we can work our schedules where we can be home together , supporting each other , but also still running a business from home yeah , which is great , and I have a lot of amazing realtors who are supporting me and volunteering and ready to go to do . If I need somebody to open a door , like show up for inspections , anything like that .
Speaker 1I have you got a team ? You got a team in place for sure ? Um , and you know , I mean in the modern world , I mean the ability to work from your phone , the amount of things that you can get done from your , from your couch . No , I'm not . I'm not encouraging that , obviously , but at the same time , like it's a luxury .
Speaker 2It is a huge luxury and it's like we got to embrace the technology that we have like pain medication . You ask if I'm getting an epidural , like absolutely why would I ignore the beautiful advances in medicine that we have to take away that pain
The Pregnancy Experience at 38 Weeks
Speaker 2Like I am no hero ?
Speaker 1Not all heroes wear capes right .
Speaker 2I grew it , I'm going to birth it , hopefully with as little pain as possible , and then , um , you know , the trade-off will be the lifelong pain he's going to inflict as just being my son for the next .
Speaker 1Yeah , that's a . That's a . That's not a physical pain , it's very much emotional and mental torment , which I am prepared for , but anyway .
Speaker 2so yeah , that's where we're at . We're just nurseries ready . We've been taking the birth class online .
Speaker 1Yeah , let's talk about that . You had indicated there were some pretty good little nuggies in there .
Speaker 2There are some interesting nuggets in there and honestly I am so glad that we so they offer an in-person version and we had procrastinated , so by the time we tried to reserve it they were fully booked out till after his birth date , which Now , don't take this the wrong way , but it's fucking shocking that you procrastinate on that .
Speaker 2Thank you . Shocking that there's so many pregnant women that all the classes were full . I was like , wow , okay . But I am glad that we're doing this in the privacy of our own home , because my wife and I have had so many moments where we're like laughing when we probably shouldn't laugh at videos and like making fun of the things that we see .
Speaker 2So I'm like , actually this is probably better that we're not in front of other people , because we would be that couple that everybody turns around and is like , oh my God , how dare they .
Speaker 1They just laughed at that . You know , what was amazing is actually and you bring that up it was pretty incredible to me how private the experience and both of my kids were born in a hospital in a big regional hospital in Kansas where they have lots of kids big families . Yeah , big families . It was actually looking back on that now . It's actually really surprising how private it was . I never felt like , oh , there was somebody in the room who I didn't want there , or anything like that . It's important , definitely an experience . Yeah , for sure .
Speaker 2It's just going to be Danny and I in the room . We've had a lot of family members who are like so who's going to be in the room with you ? And we're like just us and then a whole team of strangers . Yeah .
Speaker 1My brother-in-law was actually living with us and I had totally forgotten about this . Until I get all the you know , you get all the reminders , you know , your memories pop up and I totally forgot that my brother-in-law was with us when Kaylee was born . Yeah , we made . He was not inside the room .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 1He was outside the room .
Speaker 2It's a very like vulnerable , intimate experience , you know .
Speaker 1So I the less people I can have staring at me and like down the chute so I did say , I did say , and I don't want to , I don't want to like step on my own toes already and say I'm not going to give you advice , but if I could , but if I could strongly suggest something that danny do for you .
Speaker 1Yes , have a lot of ice on hand , ice , because you're gonna , you're gonna want ice chips . That was that was ice chips were huge , like that was what marina wanted , and I mean I must have made 20 trips to the ice machine . Just a little cup of ice , a couple cubes , um , and , and that was . That was actually something that somebody told me before our first child was born . That they said , hey , this was something I learned .
Speaker 1So I was like , cool , I'm you were ready I'm the fucking ice boy right like call me , call me the ice man oh , all right , and the other rest in peace um the other . The other thing , um , that was , uh , and it's kind of funny , it's actually really pretty gross .
Speaker 2Um well , birth is not pretty .
Speaker 1I would advise Danny to make sure that she at least turns her back once the baby is out , because she does not want to see what comes next . Okay , I don't want to go too into details .
Speaker 2But if you know , you know .
Speaker 1Somebody gave me that same advice . You know , they say curiosity kills the cat I caught . I caught the rest of it out of the side of my eye . I will never forget it and I wish to this day I had heeded that advice and really made a better effort to not see the other part . I'm sorry .
Speaker 2No , this is just my future . This is the reality of birth . It's like it is a very primal , traumatic , visceral , bloody experience .
Speaker 1Like , that's just what it is . You can't anyway . So it's so great Cause I'm , I'm literally I'm the dumb jock here , like I mean , I , I am so surface level on on on the birthing of humans and so I love your insight because I'm just like yeah .
Speaker 2I am here to take somebody stops that thing from crying and make you uncomfortable . It's my favorite thing to do . Ok , so let's switch to you for a second , because you have also you've had some serious life changes .
Speaker 1Like , yeah , we , not just your family , I'm . I would actually probably argue that the gap in this podcast is is is my responsibility , and well , we're both equally responsible for our life . Yeah , um , but yes , I am . I'm typically a very organized and structured person . Um , at the end of January , I made the decision to um to leave Finley home services and shocked us all big waves in the industry .
Speaker 1Yeah , you know it's wild . I mean , I really haven't . I've been so been so removed from it . I had to kind of jump in feet first and really hit the ground running in my new role .
Speaker 2And what is your new role ?
Speaker 1So my new role is I'm still in business development , but I'm more in the commercial construction space . I went back to work for Good Life , which was formerly North American , so I actually had a seven-year career with them before FHS
Dan's Major Career Change
Speaker 1and kept the relationships with the owner and vice president over the years . I feel like Stefan he must have had it on his calendar or something , because each year he'd kind of check in on me and see how , how things were going and uh , you know , and uh , this , this last time , um , he approached me and and I and I just was , I was in a spot where where I was um a little more open to the conversation than I'd ever been , um , we had , um , we'd gone through a lot of change . Marina left , marina left her employer of 19 years , um is she in the same industry still ?
Speaker 1Same industry . So , yeah , so um , which has brought some , you know some some challenges as well , some some some legal um , I don't know if they've been challenges yet , but maybe concerns Um , so we're dealing with that . And then , you know , lightheartedly , my daughter made the move to a new volleyball club but like that's big , that's the biggest thing in her world right now . So that was a big thing . So it was like all three of us kind of just really uprooted and changed things . I'll be curious to see , you know , the 12 year old . He may or may not have even noticed , I mean , well , he's a 12 year old boy . I mean , he lives in his own world , Um , you know so , but um , so yeah , so it was um , it was .
Speaker 1It was a really really challenging um period of time . It was not an easy decision . It was not one that I , that I made lightly um , during the , during the process of kind of um I don't want to say courting or recruiting , cause it was really just kind of some conversations Um , you know , a few things came out about you know how , how I had left when I , when I left um to go to , to go to Finley , um , and there were some , some things that we had to talk through because I mean it was pretty abrupt . I mean I literally walked into the owner's office one day and said I'm out , and there were some things that led to that , obviously , but it was fairly abrupt . When we got back together , we had a really great conversation . I had a conversation with the owner . He admitted some things that were very flattering .
Speaker 1We talked through some of the challenges and I said ultimately , I say , guys , early on in the conversations I said here's the deal . There's three things that are just paramount to these conversations going any further . And first and foremost , obviously , financially , it's got to make sense . I'm not looking to necessarily make a lateral move . I'm in a good place here . I'm pretty happy with my income and the growth potential of it . So I said so . That's obviously number one for me and the family , you know . So I said so . That's obviously number one , you know , for me and the family . Number two was I've talked a lot about this on the podcast is I basically have and at this point I have six in like I'm leaning in on that . I don't want to be , I don't want to be the guy who says , oh , it goes by fast . My advice is to lean in . I want to be able to tell people you know what . I fully leaned in . I don't regret it at all .
Speaker 1The job was there , I had the conversations and I said so . If that's going to be a sticking point , if I need to leave on a Thursday for Kansas City and don't get back until Monday not like I'm going to turn my phone off and not answer it I said , but we've got to be under the understanding that I may not be physically present . And the last thing was I told him . I said I wasn't going to actively recruit business away from the other place and that was really important to me . Obviously , zach and I's relationship was , and still is , really important to me . We're in a pretty good spot .
Speaker 1Obviously , the parting of ways and how closely the business is together . There have been some challenges , but it was . It was really important to me to be able to do that and I'm confident when I look in the mirror . I really have not solicited any business away . I've made some introductions , but for the most part I'm not in that space .
Speaker 1I emceed the SAR pantry crab feed and that was really the last time that I was in that residential real estate space in that capacity . So it's been a learning experience for sure . The cool thing is that when I look back , I'm able to understand how much growth I experienced over the five years at Finley , because when you're in it you don't really notice it . You only see what you're in at that point , yeah . But when you're able to look back and analyze things and those experiences have come up , where I've gone through the challenges on in the past , and you just feel so much more confident in the decision making process or even the decisions that you make Um , so that was so . That was kind of that , was it ? Um , I think I lost about a month's worth of sleep going back and forth on the decision , and that's you know , and that's a huge decision , and that's yeah , and that's , I mean , that's full disclosure .
Speaker 1Um , I knew , um , it wasn't , it wasn't easy , Um , and even , and you know , and even , when I got here , I was like oh my goodness , wow , this is a uh , this is a different , this is a different environment from the one that I left five , you know , a little over five years ago . It's definitely a different environment than the one that I was in , that I'd felt like I had such a hand in helping to grow and cultivate and building that culture over there . So , you know , and then it was like , okay , like now I got to find my space , like you know , prove my worth over here . So , but it's been super exciting .
Speaker 1You know , I think , in all honesty , I think in that in that residential real estate space , I I'd probably gotten too comfortable . I really wasn't um , asking for as much business as I maybe should have , um , but at the same time , like we had , there were limitations and challenges over there as well . So I don't know if I'm rationalizing or what , but I spent almost 14 years in that space , fully dedicated to it , and I think I was just I was , I was a little , I was a little set , settled in and set in my ways and I was ready for a new challenge .
Speaker 2I love that . I love that A lot of people I would say most people fall into that space of this is just life . You know , this is the everyday monotony . We get comfortable . We don't find reasons to continue to grow , challenge ourselves and I think your background in sports lends a lot to that as well of like constantly wanting to improve yourself . I think that's something that's ingrained in anybody who's played sports , especially at the collegiate level .
Speaker 1Yeah , and I think it's somewhere between like , it's somewhere between grow or die or like complete apathy , right , like , um , I have , I have learned . I mean I'm pretty competitive . I think , like , compared to my wife , I'm not , like I'm just not and I like I said , I mean I can come into this world and people be like oh yeah , dan's a pretty competitive guy compared to my wife . Like no way .
Speaker 2I compete with my wife . She thinks it's the funniest thing and it's just , it's a good and a bad thing . But I am just we are both very naturally competitive that it's a game to be like oh , if I can do that , or if I see her do something , or if she sees me do something , then it's like we are both immediately inspired and challenged to want to do the same thing and be like I can do that too . And we do it , you know , in business , we do it in life , and it's , it's , a fun game . It can , it can also be , you know , it can quickly go over the line of , like you know , inferiority or for sure yeah .
Speaker 1Like I mean I've , I've had to come to grips with , I mean I've jokingly said it for years that Marina is a better athlete than I ever was .
Speaker 2And like look at that , that's the truth , Like that is the at the end of the day , like the buck stops . I mean she scares me .
Speaker 1Yeah , I mean , you know we we don't play as much pickleball as we'd like , but I mean she's a better pickleballer than me and I'm like it drives me crazy , you know , but it's like it's motivating , but at the same time , like you know , you can , you can take it with a grain of salt , I'm like well she's my partner . I get , I get first crack at her you know Exactly there is .
Speaker 2There is something wonderful to it , yeah , and it's it's .
Speaker 2I mean , this is all kind of within the conversation that I have been thinking about with you know loss of Kelly .
Speaker 2Kelly Smith was an incredible presence in our industry and also just as a human , and it's just been this thought of why is it , when we have these moments of devastation , of loss , that it really brings us to the present of what is meaningful in life .
Speaker 2How are we living our lives ? And why does it take moments like this for us to really reflect and gain perspective and say , man , I am living so far below my comfort level of like . I have just really accepted and settled into this position where I'm at that I am not challenging myself , I'm not growing , I know I can do so much better . And then now I'm bringing a child into this world and I'm like , how do I frame his life so that he is always living in that space of like , always wanting to improve , always being present , always being authentic and not waiting for these moments of loss and devastation
Loss, Growth, and Perspective
Speaker 2to look back and be like , wow , I really settled into something and you know , the life I wanted , or the growth I wanted , or the dreams that I had have fallen away to the oh , I need to pay bills , or I need to do this or I need to . You know that adult space that we constantly live in .
Speaker 1Yeah , for me it's , it's the ebbs and flows of life . Um , I mean , like I said , even even just basing it off the experience of the last couple months , for Marina and I , our family , those things came up and as adults you have to make decisions . I mean , obviously the loss of life is a tough one and I haven't dealt with a ton of loss in my life that's been that close and really made me step back , that that's been that close and really made me step back . Um , I , you know , I , we were talking a little bit before the show , before the show , um , marina and I's first dog , um , we had , we bought , we or we got her . Um , this is a great story . We got this Boston Terrier from an Amish family in Kansas .
Speaker 2I love this so far and like .
Speaker 1Marina . Marina and her brother went to pick this puppy up and like , literally on the prairie in Kansas , like in Amish country that's amazing and driving their car , so like , even like arranging the sale of this dog Did you have to write letters .
Speaker 1No , like they had , but there was a pay phone that was like just off , just outside the parameters of their property , and that was how we communicated . So it was like a scheduled time and I didn't go on the trip . But so Marina and her brother , they drove out and Marina had like this Jetta and it was her first brand new car she'd ever got . She loved this car . And they got out to like , turned off the highway , out of this road and it was literally like horse-drawn buggy road the , the ruts were not the same width as as this jetta , so they're like so you know , so it's um , so anyway , so life . So that's the story of like that was our first that was .
Speaker 1That dog was our first child .
Speaker 2That was Lily .
Speaker 1Yeah , for sure Lily the Boston Terrier that we got from an Amish family in .
Speaker 2Kansas . I love that story so much .
Speaker 1Well , lily lived 14 years oh wow .
Speaker 1So Lily was a child when Kaylee came into the world and Lily was a little older child when Lucas came into the world and Lily experienced living in a high-rise condo with Marina and I for a year and then moving into the suburbs and a house , um , and having Kaylee come around and having a baby in the house and realizing that , you know , this dog was no longer the focal point of all attention . And then another one came around and the dog went even a little lower . And then , I don't know , did I ever share the story about when we moved back from Kansas City and missed our plane ?
Speaker 2No .
Speaker 1So this is such a great story , all right . So Kaylee is two and a half . Lucas is like a brand new baby . He was born at the end of August . So in December of 2012 was when we moved back to Northern California . We had my wife's cousin from Brazil living with us . She spoke very limited English , a little bit , I mean enough to get by and we were moving . I mean it's like it's a couple days before Christmas , maybe a week before Christmas , but I mean it's really close .
Speaker 2A super easy , not stressful , time to be .
Speaker 1Airports are fairly busy at this time of year . We're all packed up . So we have Lily , and Lily is in this like soft-sided yellow southwest dog travel place duffel bag essentially it's vented .
Speaker 1So she's going on the plane with us because winter she can't go in the fricking hole , she'd freeze . So we had some friends hanging out with us and we're just literally . The old Kansas City airport was really cool . It was like three different terminals and it was so efficient . I mean like in and out was so easy and this is post 9-11 . But it was really easy to get in and out of um until it got kind of busy . So we had some friends who were really good friends of ours out in Kansas city and we're literally just sitting right outside the gate but we haven't gone through security yet and we're shooting the shit and I hear my name being announced over the thing and I'm like look at my watch . I'm like , oh , oh , it's time to go . And they're like no , like your plane is boarding . So I mean we are like laying on the panic button . It is a full-blown shit show .
Speaker 2Three month old baby picturing home alone right now oh , it's , it's , it's , I mean it's all of that , get left at the airport .
Speaker 1No , so , so , so three month old baby , two and a half year old . No so three-month-old baby , two-and-a-half-year-old , basically a foreign exchange student who speaks minimal English . My wife and myself .
Speaker 2So it was a comedy show .
Speaker 1Oh , it was a shit show , it was beyond comedy . So we haul ass , we hug , handshakes , bye , whatever . And we're going . Well , we kind of split , we're like , okay , we've got to try and divide and conquer these lines . So I go to one , my wife goes to one , we both get through . She's got the baby . Um , somehow the cousin ended up with the dog . Oh God , Well , going through security , they make her take the dog out of this duffel bag and it took us a half hour to get the dog in the duffel bag because she did not want anything to do with being inside this duffel bag , this poor dog . So now we're in and that's security .
Speaker 1So we can't go like help , can't go back , and the communication is a challenge . And it's not even like she speaks Spanish or , like you know , she speaks Portuguese , like that's her . Even like she speaks Spanish , or , like you know , she speaks Portuguese , like that's her , she can't communicate with anybody . So , like I mean , my anxiety is through the roof , like I , I'm , I'm pretty sure I'm , my blood pressure is about to explode and I'm just going . Oh , my God , and we have . I mean , we had a direct flight Kansas city to San Francisco . There was only one a day . At that time we're like cool , I mean , we were planning on being there in time for dinner . So she finally gets through . We get Lily back in the container and this is where the movie scene does actually occur . They close the gate to the jetway and we are begging and pleading .
Speaker 2Were you right there .
Speaker 1Oh , we were right there .
Speaker 2Like they literally like closed .
Speaker 1They're like dead panning . I could have . I could have gotten on , but we're waiting for the rest of the dog . There's no way we're leaving those two behind right , so never see them again um . So we're literally like at the , the giant windows , like that . You know , look out at the um , the bridgeway , as you're watching the jetway and the pilot's like waving at us and we're just like banging on the glass and he's like bye .
Speaker 2And we're like oh my god , and like did he flip you the bird or no , he didn't flip us off , but he waved , he definitely waved .
Speaker 1He was shaking his head and waving and um , so . So now it's like the stress , the anxiety , everything is coming . I'm like , fuck , we missed our plane . Yeah , you know , and in the , in the moment , you have that , that , that momentary thought of the world's over right , like and you're like , oh man , like there's all kinds of flights , so we end up . So we end up getting on a flight , we end up going through vegas and end up making it to north , to san francisco , very , very late .
Speaker 1It was a long day it was a very , very long day and I remember , like the last leg was the , the short flight from Vegas to SFO and and we were exhausted . I mean Lucas , like I said , lucas was like three , four months old . I mean this poor baby had been in the car seat , he didn't even know what he just no , but I mean but , but you'll , you'll know , we'll , we'll talk about it when , when rork's four or five months old , like , the needs are real , like and um , so I , because I'm a smart ass , uh , I leave , I did lean over .
Speaker 1I did lean over like on that last leg and I go , babe , I go , this is gonna be a great story . I said right now like it has caused a lot of angst , a lot of anxiety , a lot of stress . I said , but even maybe in a couple months , this is a really , really good story . I don't think she responded .
Speaker 1But , I have not told that story in so long and I almost I forgot about it , so I'm so glad it came up , but it's like , yeah , like life will do that , yeah , and you can stress so anyway . So back back back to why this story started because the dog , so the dog was there through everything and , um , we ended up having to put that dog down . Um , I think it must have been during COVID it was probably 20 , 2020 or 2021 um , and the uh , the effect that it had on on my children which is why we were talking about this was , uh , it was , it was . It was pretty jarring to see how that affected them because it was like , and it was , it was Marina and I's first child . So it was really hard on me .
Speaker 1Like we , um , we had , we had a I don't know if that or whatever they came to the house and did it Um , so you know , when you see the people laying on the floor with the dogs and the blankets and stuff like that , like it was that , but I couldn't , I couldn't like , I just sat in . I sat in our room and cried like a baby and it was horrible and I think for me , like I was so focused on me in that moment , like it wasn't until , like the kids got home from school and we're asking the questions and it was like that was what hit . So I think , like , in regard to that , like I don't know For me , like I've never really handled death well , it's not really something that and does right but like I don't know anybody who's like , oh , this is a breeze but I think I would definitely .
Speaker 1I I tend to shift my focus on other things , um , maybe , and compartmentalizing is probably not the right way to go about it , but that's . That's how I've dealt with it .
Speaker 2It's a way to deal . For sure , it's a self-preservation .
Speaker 1Yeah , my my grandfather passed away when I was young , like I think I was like 10 and um , and I got sick to my stomach over that one . Um , I remember that , um , so , yeah , like and and and I didn't really , um , I knew who kelly was . I knew obviously her light she was , she
The Dog from an Amish Family
Speaker 1was somebody that , um , that really just radiated like just she just commanded people's attention .
Speaker 2Yeah , the couple , the couple .
Speaker 1The couple interactions I'd had with her were fantastic and and she was so open and so vulnerable about about her , her journey and her fight it was really cool .
Speaker 1I actually had a a nice little interaction online with Emily Webster who went through breast cancer as well , so , and I know they were really really close , um , so , yeah , so I think that um for me , like in regards to your , your kids , um , and and I can tie this back to the the the glue guys podcast as well it's like they they talked about the other day about um , they talked about the other day about an environment where your kids could safely fail .
Speaker 1Yeah , and that's really what led me to that is an environment where your kids can be vulnerable , where they can fail safely , where they can learn a lesson , but without maybe major major consequences . Lesson but without maybe major major consequences . And I don't think that's overshadowing or helicopter parenting , but giving them space to fail is really , really important . I think I said on the pod once it might have been back in Blake's days I said you know , if my children haven't broken a bone by the time they're 10 , I've actually done them a disservice , right ? I just haven't let them be kids enough to actually get hurt .
Speaker 2I've never broken a bone Really . I have fractured many bones , but I've never broken a bone .
Speaker 1Oh well , that's yeah Does that count . Yeah , hell yeah that counts , I mean .
Speaker 2I've definitely had injuries Like I've dislocated my shoulder .
Speaker 1Hey , if your bone is not intact completely , that's a break . Okay , okay .
Speaker 2If you don't attack completely , that's a break . Okay , okay , all right , I'm like . I hope I never like fully break a bone .
Speaker 1I'll give you that Okay .
Speaker 2Just want to make sure I pass Dan's test of childhood over here . Yeah .
Speaker 1We're about to find out how tough you are here in the next couple of weeks .
Speaker 2I feel like I'm pretty tough . I've always had a really high pain tolerance , which is probably the reason why I think for this experience , I'm like I don't need to prove how much pain I can handle . I'm like nobody does fine with the epidural . You know , this is this is a really good one .
Speaker 1I actually I want to dive in this a little bit so like . So toughness , because nobody really understands somebody else's pain , whether it be physical or emotional , and the degree of it and how it impacts them . And I've thought about this a lot . I know my wife is super tough , mentally , physically she is tough , she's a badass . And sometimes she'll tell me I'm not tough and I'm like , well , what the fuck do you know ? You don't know what kind of pain I'm in , like you know , um , so so I don't know , maybe maybe I'm not that tough , but but I mean we all know that men are a little bit not so tough when it comes to pain tolerance , right like women .
Speaker 2Obviously we are built to birth babies , so like we are meant to handle pain physically and emotionally , we're . We're physiologically built to birth babies , so like we are meant to handle pain physically and emotionally , we're . We're physiologically built to handle it a little bit better than you guys , no offense yeah , I'm taking . It's just .
Speaker 1These are the facts I think that , like , and I think what I what I'm getting at is like um , when I broke my arm , I snapped my arm in half . I broke both bones in my arm and that was that was a pretty bad . That's painful , that was pretty painful . You know , what's funny is you get so much adrenaline and everything like in the moment that um it's the hour after no for for this , for this injury .
Speaker 1It was actually a couple of weeks after um , the soreness and the and , and . That was where I was like cause , that was one of the times where I'll never forget . She's like you're being soft and I'm like cause , that was one of the times where I'll never forget . She's like you're being soft and I'm like this shit hurts so bad , like I am so uncomfortable , I'm in so much pain . I go this process of healing right now . Um , and I had a full arm cast like all the way up to my shoulder . Um , and I'll never forget like that , that pain and discomfort , and I'm like in the back of my head . I'm like I don't don't say I'm soft , because this hurts more than it did when I actually broke this freaking arm . And again like , is that your body manifesting that or your brain magnifying a feeling ? So it's hard , like when , when you talk about pain and like yeah , you know , you just ultimately can never compare what pain is and how it's measured , you know , and like is physical pain worse than mental or emotional pain ?
Speaker 2Like everybody registers it differently . For sure , everybody carries it differently , everybody responds to it differently , and it affects each person differently . Um , that being said , men are still weaker than women .
Speaker 1I'm so tempted to challenge you to do this without an epidural . It'll never happen . I challenge you to just birth a an epidural it will never happen , oh yeah .
Speaker 2I challenge you to just birth a baby Like let's see .
Speaker 1It's physically not possible . You know . We're just not going to do things that we can't . We're going to stay in our own lanes . Marina thought she was going to go through it without an epidural .
Speaker 2Really .
Speaker 1And pulled the ripcord .
Speaker 2I mean like literally in the in the so many women , and this is what this is an interesting thing , because I I obviously like I have a lot of women who have children and a lot of them intended to do a natural birth , like they did everything leading up to we all have great intentions you know , they did the hypnotherapy and all this , and they had all of their plans in place to make sure .
Speaker 2And I'm like how did that plan work out for you ? And they've all done the epidural , except for one who planned to do the epidural but it just didn't get it in time and so she actually had to go natural and she's like I don't wish that upon anyone . So when people have been asking me like , oh , what's your plan ? Are you going to do a doula ? Are ?
Speaker 1you going to do a ?
Speaker 2water birth . I'm like , no , I'm going to the hospital , I'm getting all the drugs and I'm gonna have a healthy baby and I'm not gonna die . Oh , I thought you said you're doing at home . You're that shit crazy if you think I'm doing this at home oh , I think I was mistaken , oh yeah , I'm going to the hospital .
Speaker 1We toured the birthing units . Guess what ?
Speaker 2they're glorious , they're huge . The room is like california they kick you out pretty quick in californ California right 24 to 48 hours .
Speaker 1Yeah , yeah , we stayed , we stayed over two nights . They were , they were more than uh , more than happy to keep us around yeah um , they must have saw that we had a pretty decent insurance policy . Yeah .
Speaker 2I mean , if you got the money , you know they'll , they'll keep you as long . But I I'm also I'm with UC Davis Hospital , so they're very , um , pretty much as if have room .
Speaker 2They'll let you stay , so they have the birthing unit itself and then if they're not entirely full , because they only have 14 rooms so as long as they don't have like a bunch of women going into labor all at once you can stay in that room the entire time . If they do and they need to move you out , then you go from the actual birthing unit to basically like a yeah , it's like an en suite .
Speaker 2Yeah , it's just like a regular hospital room after that and there you will stay um up to 24 to 48 hours , depending on you . Know you , your baby , state of your health and all that stuff . But um , yeah , it's , I'm going to the hospital , I'm getting all the drugs , I'm taking full advantage of modern medicine .
Speaker 1Well now , technically , epidural is not really a drug , though , it's just a block .
Speaker 2So epidural is actually the name , and I've learned a lot about this . This is interesting .
Speaker 1You did your homework .
Speaker 2Well , I had to because I'm allergic to lidocaine , so epidural is the name of the procedure itself .
Speaker 1Okay .
Speaker 2But the drugs that they use to block the pain and everything like that are different . So typically , if you get an epidural , which is the process of them going
The Missed Flight Story
Speaker 2into your spinal , I guess it's not your cord , it's just like in your spine .
Speaker 1Yeah , and they just basically blow up a balloon that blocks it .
Speaker 2Yeah , it's like just below your spinal cord , and then they put in the numbing medication , which is typically like a lidocaine based medication .
Speaker 2I may or may not be allergic to lidocaine .
Speaker 2Once had a really severe anaphylactic reaction to it while I was in the hospital , so they haven't given it to me .
Speaker 2I've never been officially tested for it , but until I am , and they know for sure what , they cannot give it to me . So what that means is I still get an epidural , but they have to use this whole class of like numbing medication that is just not as strong as epidurals , so , in that sense , like I will be feeling more , I will have a different experience than most people who have an epidural . The scary thing , though , is that , if you know , god forbid , something goes wrong and they need to do an emergency C-section , typically they would either just do an epidural or a spinal tap for that , but they would use the lidocaine family , and since I can't have that , they would have to put me like completely under like intubated , you know , and so that scares the shit out of me , because I'm like I don't want to miss my birth , like I don't want to miss the golden hour . I don't know how long it's going to take for me to wake up from that , and then , then I can just imagine my wife freaking out .
Speaker 2Like I have this new baby . My wife is , you know , unconscious , like I don't know she would be . She would be beyond herself . I think anybody would in that situation , because it would be so stressful . But , um , that's not going to happen . No , it's going to be smooth sailing , sailing I . I come from a line of pedigree breeders , so , uh , so this is just gonna be . Those are my father's words , not mine we don't believe you .
Speaker 1We'll just ask you , or maybe your dad , I guess .
Speaker 2My mother . Actually I'm the middle of five . She didn't do epidurals with any of them , they did like a shot in the ass type thing .
Speaker 1She used to be looking down her nose at you . She was like that's my soft kid right there , but even with her first kid , from first contraction to birth .
Speaker 2It was like 90 minutes . She popped them out and I mean God bless her . Hopefully that's not my situation . I'd like a little bit more time , a little bit more pain medication . But yeah , no , it's going to be great , it's going to be .
Speaker 1And this is bringing back so many memories for me . So this is so funny . Marina was induced because Kaylee didn't want to come out , so I think we were like a week and a half like a week and a half or two weeks late . And what's the stuff ? The Pitocin .
Speaker 2Is that what they ?
Speaker 1use to induce . We're in the room , they've administered the Pitocin and the doctor or the nurse is like I don't think this is gonna work today . We might have to try this again tomorrow . And I mean , and I watched marina's eyes focus and she goes oh no , we'll be having this baby today . And shortly thereafter kaylee was born . Um , it was . It was like one of those mind over matter things . Yeah , because she heard something that she did not want to hear and she was so done . She was so done being pregnant .
Speaker 2That's the hard part . You get to this point and you're like you're so done .
Speaker 1The fatigue , the exhaustion . All of it and like for her she woke up every morning and went to work .
Speaker 2Like woke up every morning going , oh guess I'm not having my baby today , and went to work and just another just the next day . So , like the stress , the wear and tear of work , plus all the physical and emotional stress of carrying a baby , I have one listing that I'm trying to close out so that I can just like be present . This has been one of the most difficult deals for me in terms of just like trying to negotiate . I've been negotiating an offer with my sellers literally all week long and it has caused so much stress and anxiety and it's been a huge learning lesson for me . I've grown a lot from this .
Speaker 2I've learned so much from this . One of the things I've learned is that no pregnant nine and a half month woman should probably ever be negotiating deals like this , because it's just so insanely stressful . You're already full of all these hormones and stuff .
Speaker 1Can we get the agent on the other side of this deal on the pod ? God bless him .
Speaker 2But you know , it's just , it is that's the life , like we don't get to stop and wait . And every morning I wake up and I'm like still pregnant , still pregnant . But I feel like this is the first lesson of parenthood , of like .
Speaker 1Are you ready for
Birth Plans and Hospital Preparations
Speaker 1nesting , for your nesting period , kids ?
Speaker 2show up on their own time . You know you can't force them to do something before they're ready . That includes get the hell out of my body . I love you . I say that lovingly .
Speaker 1Are you ready for the nesting , the anchoring down ? I guess it's interesting , is that convincing ? It was the first time in my life I ever really cared about the well-being of my visitors .
Speaker 2Yeah , oh for sure that I mean I'm hyper , like do not come if you're sick .
Speaker 1Do not come if you've been around sick people . I don't care if it's allergies .
Speaker 2And we've even told everyone I'm like you can't , I'm sorry , no , kissing the baby like , which is going to be hard for my super italian mother-in-law , because you know like kisses are their love language . But yeah , I mean , I'm ready for it , I'm gonna be that mom . That's like wash your hands before you hold the baby . No kissing the baby for like the first month and a half until they start to get their own immune system . In terms terms of nesting , I don't know . Everybody's been asking are you nesting ? Are you getting ready ?
Speaker 1You will . It's almost unavoidable .
Speaker 2We have been Because you've got to rest .
Speaker 1His nursery is ready .
Speaker 2I'm ready to be home for a little while . But , that also being said , I and my wife too , we both enjoy . Working . We both enjoy what we do and so , even just like these last couple of days you know , if I get to the end of the day , it's five o'clock and I'm like I don't know what to do I get so restless and bored and like I could turn on a movie . But you're about to have plenty to do .
Speaker 1Yeah , it's like it's just so boring I'm like I don't know .
Speaker 2Lately it's been , it's been more difficult . I've embraced it , enjoy it . It's more fulfilling , I guess yeah .
Speaker 1Well , I'm super excited for you , as I have been Um , so I'm just so , um so happy to have been in in the relationship that we're in through this process You've gotten to see the whole progression of this pregnancy , and it's funny because I'm not a huge baby guy . I'm that asshole . I'm like I don't need to hold the baby .
Speaker 2Well , you're going to hold my baby , Dan .
Speaker 1Your baby and I will hit it off . Awesome Me and Rourke will be cool when he's three . We're going to be super cool . He's going to be badass .
Speaker 2I've had somebody . One of Danny's coworkers was like , wow , rourke . That sounds like if I was going into battle I'd want a guy named Rourke by my side . I'm like yeah .
Speaker 2Yeah , he might come out with a Viking beard , for sure he is Like my roots , like we're very Irish , we have a lot of Viking ancestry . We literally have , because my dad did all the ancestry and I know we're kind of wrapping up on time here . But when you have somebody in your lineage whose name was literally Eric the bloody ax like we we come from some conquerors you know like there's some , there's some history there , that .
Speaker 1but also be like I mean he sounds destined for a future in theater , but also like imagine if Eric no-transcript . I'm so glad we got back on track . We got . We got this one in where we kick off season two .
Speaker 2To get caught up .
Speaker 1Um , you know , I think , uh , I think just so kind of people know , obviously , with me stepping away from the residential real estate space , I actually think it's going to open some doors to bring in some people from outside of that space and maybe provide a little more variety to the show . Can't wait . It's definitely not that . Residential real estate is not business-oriented . Commercial real estate is just a different level .
Speaker 2It's a whole different world Far less emotional .
Speaker 1a lot more black and white things that it fits the spreadsheet or it doesn't .
Speaker 2Plus , you're going to run into some people who are doing things in our city , building new things , bringing new experiences .
Speaker 1I've already met a couple of developers . I'm like man , that is a freaking cool job . I can't wait .
Speaker 2I can't wait , I can't wait , bring them , bring all the cool people , dan .
Speaker 1Well , we'll try , we'll try , I'll bring a baby you bring the cool guests you know like one of my old sales , one of my old sales managers , told me he goes . Hey , you know , for a career in sales he goes . You learned everything you need for a career in sales in kindergarten .
Speaker 2He goes , it's making friends and show and tell yeah , and that's it you know so um , I've never forgot that I keep asking , even when they say no , yeah , exactly , that's it , exactly where I'm out .
Speaker 1All right , kaylee , we're gonna get out of here .
Speaker 2Okay , can't wait .
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